Monsters with Good Branding
a survivor shares a powerful video monologue and personal reflection on the dangers of labelling perpetrators as monsters
By Juliana Terlizzi
Her work challenges us to look beyond stereotypes, recognise abuse even when the perpetrator is someone we know and consider what justice really means for survivors rebuilding their lives.
Monsters with Good Branding
I wrote this monologue because people like their monsters clearly labelled.
Shadows. Knives. Sinister music.
The man who raped me was my boyfriend.
Calling men like him monsters makes them sound seperate from ordinary life. Someone we would recognise immediately. Someone we could never love.
I loved him.
The abuse does not introduce itself as abuse. Jealousy was presented as devotion, and control as concern.
I wanted people to understand what it is like when the person hurting you is someone you trust.
I should not have needed to recognise a monster. He should not have raped me.
What he did was monstrous. He was a man, responsible for his actions.
We have to examine the choices these men make, the excuses other people offer and the institutions that fail to protect us.
I also wanted people to reflect about what statistics on men's violence against women & girls leave out.
Reports. Charges. Convictions.
Let me remind you: most reported rapes do not result in a conviction.
Behind those numbers are women trying to find a way to live with what happened. And around them are parents, partners, children and friends trying to help, carrying some of the damage themselves.
My case ended in a conviction. That matters enormously to me. It established what had happened in law.
I still had to find a way to live with it. The verdict did not make me feel safe again.
We measure whether a case reaches court.
I want us to take seriously what happens after.
What helps someone sleep properly, trust another person or feel comfortable in her own body? What support does she need and for how long?
Yes, justice matters to me, but a conviction dis not return everything that was taken.
I wrote this for the women behind every statistic.
Each one deserves justice.
Each one deserves to feel safe again and the support to rebuild their lives.
So that life becomes larger than what happened to her.
Let's stop calling perpetrators monsters.
It encourages a false sense of safety.
What he did to me was monstrous.
He was a man.
We need to listen when a woman tells us what a man has done to her.
Even if we like him.
