Lifting the Veil of Invisibility
My Journey with Metacog and the Fight to Recognise Stalking and Coercive Control
By Rochelle Marashi (MBACP), Integrative Psychotherapist, London
The Beginning of Metacog
In the summer of 2020, as I prepared to begin my Master’s in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy at the University of Roehampton, I created the Instagram platform Metacog.co.uk – a space inspired by metacognition - the awareness and understanding of one’s own thinking, designed to explore psychological ideas and concepts in a more open and accessible way.
Evolving Focus: From Reflection to Advocacy
Over time, however, Metacog began to evolve with me. My focus shifted towards a subject that felt both urgent and overlooked: coercive control and stalking. Without realising it, I was laying the foundations for my future research.
As one of my supervisors once wrote to me, “it feels as though you have an interest in control, and particularly how individuals experience being controlled by another person in a manner that is intrusive and abusive.” I would say that this observation encapsulates Metacog in a nutshell.
I found myself sharing the legal battles and victories of women who had faced a range of crimes, legal abuse, and even the weaponisation of their mental health – some of whom had been wrongly institutionalised. I began to notice the same pattern repeated across systems: women were continually being failed.
As I began my counselling placements, I noticed something troubling: the term coercive control was rarely, if ever, mentioned in supervision. Even when it surfaced indirectly, there was no shared framework for how to address it. Each therapist’s approach felt deeply subjective, often guided more by theory than by safeguarding.
In psychotherapy, theory rightly holds weight, but in cases involving stalking or coercive control, safety must take priority. When I searched for research on how therapists work with victims and survivors of stalking, I found almost nothing.
Determined to address this gap, I decided to conduct the research myself.
Broadening the Lens: From Theory to Lived Realities
As Metacog continued to grow, so too did its purpose. What began as a space to unpack psychological theories gradually evolved into a platform that explored the intersection between psychology and crime - specifically, the dynamics of abuse, manipulation, and control that often remain misunderstood, even within clinical and academic settings.
Over time, I found myself moving beyond textbooks and theoretical frameworks and towards real-world behaviours that expose the darker applications of psychological concepts. I began writing about patterns such as DARVO – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender – a common defence tactic used by perpetrators of abuse to distort accountability and silence those who challenge them. The term, originally coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, accurately captures a pattern I observed not only in clinical narratives but also in wider social and institutional responses. Victims who speak out about coercive control or stalking are often met with disbelief, minimisation, or even blame, while perpetrators reframe themselves as the true victims. Unpacking DARVO became essential in understanding why so many survivors internalise doubt and shame, and why systems so often fail to protect them.
Another topic that drew my attention was Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, now more accurately termed Fabricated or Induced Illness (FII). This phenomenon represents one of the most complex forms of psychological abuse - a form of control enacted through the manipulation of care and coerced dependency. Something I also came across in clinical practice. What struck me most when exploring such cases was how similar the underlying dynamics were to coercive control: deception, gaslighting, and the deliberate undermining of another person’s autonomy. By writing about these lesser-discussed topics, my aim was not to sensationalise but to illuminate - to bring psychological clarity to behaviours that can appear chaotic, confusing, or implausible from the outside.
Through these writings, Metacog has become a bridge between academic theory and lived experience. Many of my followers are not clinicians, but survivors, advocates, and those simply trying to make sense of experiences that defy easy explanation. Making psychological knowledge accessible has allowed me to connect with a wider audience, one that values truth-telling and awareness as vital forms of change. This is my way of trying to make a difference in the world.
This shift has also been personal. As a therapist, I have come to see that understanding coercive control requires looking beyond the therapy room, into the systems and narratives that enable it. Writing about DARVO, FII, and other related patterns has helped me recognise that these behaviours are not isolated incidents of dysfunction - they are structured forms of domination that thrive in silence. By lifting the veil on these complex dynamics, Metacog continues to challenge that silence, transforming theory into visibility and awareness into action.
Research and Early Findings
My findings were first published in the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)’s flagship magazine, Therapy Today. That piece marked the beginning of a much larger journey – one that led me to write for other platforms, each offering space to raise awareness.
My research revealed that, while therapists frequently encounter clients who are experiencing stalking or coercive control, only those who had personally experienced it or received training through specialist domestic violence organisations felt confident naming these dynamics. The fear of pathologising or overstepping often led to silence – a silence that mirrored the invisibility survivors themselves experience.
Creating Visibility and Systemic Change
I also noticed something subtle but significant. When therapists create their profiles on professional directories, they can select areas of specialism. The term abuse was listed on many, with different forms of abuse shown in isolation. However, neither coercive control nor stalking appeared anywhere.
I decided to act. I contacted the directories, sharing my research findings, statistics, and the importance of naming these issues explicitly. The response was overwhelmingly positive. They did not hesitate to implement the suggested changes, and I was invited to write an article on coercive control.
Seeing the term coercive control appear on professional platforms felt like more than an administrative update – it was a visible acknowledgement that these experiences matter, that survivors deserve to be seen and supported. It marked a small but meaningful shift in the therapeutic landscape. Additionally, better supporting victims and survivors of coercive control and stalking by ensuring they can access resources tailored for their specific needs.
Education, Awareness, and the Future of Metacog
More recently, I have begun collaborating with organisations and institutions to deliver talks providing education around coercive control and stalking. These conversations are vital – not only because these crimes are often misunderstood or minimised, but because responses to them, whether within therapy or institutions, remain inconsistent and subjective.
My hope for Metacog, and for my wider work, is simple: to continue lifting the veil of invisibility surrounding stalking and coercive control, and to equip both therapists and clients to recognise, name, and address these experiences safely and compassionately.
This change not only helps clients identify therapists with relevant expertise but also signals to practitioners that these areas are recognised and valued – encouraging them to pursue further training and enhance their professional competence.
Rochelle Marashi (MBACP)
Psychotherapist | Founder of Metacog.co.uk
MA Integrative Counselling & Psychotherapy, MBACP Reg. 416139
rochelle@metacog.co.uk
