I Survived The Crime But The System Broke Me
A survivor’s experience of reporting, waiting - and being let down.
By Georgie
Having been in an abusive relationship for about 18 months, not recognising it as such for much of that time, I eventually reported my ex-partner to the police in May 2021. I was believed, he was arrested and so began the difficult week of giving evidence and coming to terms with the scale of the abuse I’d experienced. It was hell going back over the horror. I had learned how to survive by shutting down and just getting through each day. However speaking about it opened everything up – the guilt, the questions and a kind of disbelief at what I’d accepted as normal.
The police kept me informed about the process and told me that the CPS were taking my case to court. The date of the trial was in May 2022. My former partner was initially remanded but then bailed after a couple of weeks which was frightening as he had threatened me on a number of occasions. I was struggling emotionally and took some months off work.
Witness support called three weeks before the trial date and said the date had been postponed to December 2022. There was no reason given. Months of gearing myself up to give evidence was undone in a single phone call. I was devastated. I complained to the CPS and was told the trial had only been scheduled for a week and it was now being rescheduled for two weeks. I was angry, upset but most of all felt let down by the justice system. It was hard to cope with work and looking after the children. My life was on hold. Little socialising. I started taking anti-depressants.
One week before the December trial date I received a call, once more from witness support, telling me the trial was again being adjourned. It’s hard for me to think back to that moment. I couldn’t speak, I was crying and I felt I just couldn’t go on. I didn’t want to die but I couldn’t live with this pain. I left the house and walked and walked. I went into a field and found a piece of wire. I made it into a noose not knowing what I was doing. A farmer saw me and phoned the police as he had seen a Facebook post about my disappearance.
The police came, sectioned me and put me in a van. It’s all a haze as I was in shock and disconnected. Things were happening around me but I wasn’t fully there. I ended up in a mental health unit where I was assessed by psychiatrist as suffering from severe trauma. This is very difficult for me to think about because it hurts so much. The system that I thought was there to protect me didn’t.
I coped with a year’s wait from reporting to trial but I didn’t cope with the adjournments. If the system really cared about RASSO witnesses it would not expect them to wait for three, four or five years for a trial date or ask them to prepare themselves for one of the hardest days of their lives only to postpone the trial at the last moment. Preparing to give evidence is not easy. It means reliving intimate and painful details and being questioned on them in open court. This is why I have signed this letter. It should not need lived experience for those involved in RASSO cases, to recognise the harm and at times, inhumanity, in the present system.
I know writing this will come at a cost. The flashbacks will return as they always do when I think about the trial. What my ex-partner did was terrible but I cannot reconcile the damage that was done by the system that I thought was there to help and protect me. You don’t expect cruelty from the place you turn to for protection.
